Rarely do I do this. Not that I haven't! -- but I learned to scan my body regularly for resentments and regret. This kind of R&R doesn't allow for the kind of R&R I crave... rest & relaxation. If I say yes when I mean no, I tend to regret it. Or if I follow a should vs want, I likely will regret that to and develop resentments. Unless my gut tells me it is a service and sacrifice that truly matters. I discern then - and choose accordingly. Good question -- thanks for putting it out there.
I love this, Susan, "scan my body regularly for resentments and regret." Putting those two actions/emotions into words further solidifies this for me. Thank you for sharing your method and also for reading my piece.
This is an interesting subject matter for me because of who I am. I am a mixture of easily sharing love and compassion with others, while at the same time never backing down from speaking my mind or opinion when necessary. A conversation about me was repeated to me by a friend who was present for it when I was not there for it. There was a small group of people talking together after I had left the room and one of the people who had just met me spoke of “how friendly and real” she thought I was to the others who had known me for a long time. I was told that one of our mutual friends replied, “Susan is very friendly. She loves people. And when she has your back, she truly has your back. But if you ever cross her or someone she cares about, watch out. She is not afraid to use her voice.” I do love people; to me people are the most important part of life. I am very open and share my feelings easily with others. I feel every human being deserves respect and to be treated with fairness by others, myself included and part of my being has always been to speak up when necessary. Yes, I am the one who will speak up for strangers in public if I see them being mistreated. I have done this often throughout the years. I am happy for you, Mary, in speaking your mind in such a positive manner.
Susan, I would say that your friends hold you in very high regard-such a wonderful compliment. I admire that you have always spoken your mind. I am late to the game. It has always been easier to speak up for others than for myself. Thank you so much for sharing your story, and for reading my piece.
An awesome post, Mary - just wow!!! This is wonderful: "You are underestimating me and my judgement. Here’s why I did what I did, and I believe in this because…"
I've always lacked confidence, and find it hard to stand my ground. Thank you so much for this phenomenal tool.
Rebecca, thank you so much for reading and also for commenting! I have to give so much credit to my therapist for assisting me in this (and other) areas. He helped me bring out the inner me.
This truly hits home for me! And I’m so proud of you, Mary, for speaking your truth! I started my “people pleasing” when I was around 2. My dad must’ve not been happy about something (my family and I had gone out somewhere and were returning home). As we approached our door to our apartment building, I ran up to the massive front door and struggled and struggled to get it opened. I wanted my dad to be pleased with me and be “happy” again. And so began my years and years of people pleasing efforts. I can admit that it has been quite a journey for me to find my own self-confident voice!
Wow. As I read, I pictured you as a little one (were you wearing the red coat?) trying so hard to "make daddy happy." Ahhh...the journey to the self-confident voice. Sometimes, I hit some massive bumps on that journey. Thank you for trusting us with your story and for reading mine.
Wendy, isn't it so hard (it is for me) to ensure that one is in fact being kind, and also standing up for self? Thank you for sharing your truth and for reading my piece.
Rarely do I do this. Not that I haven't! -- but I learned to scan my body regularly for resentments and regret. This kind of R&R doesn't allow for the kind of R&R I crave... rest & relaxation. If I say yes when I mean no, I tend to regret it. Or if I follow a should vs want, I likely will regret that to and develop resentments. Unless my gut tells me it is a service and sacrifice that truly matters. I discern then - and choose accordingly. Good question -- thanks for putting it out there.
I love this, Susan, "scan my body regularly for resentments and regret." Putting those two actions/emotions into words further solidifies this for me. Thank you for sharing your method and also for reading my piece.
This is an interesting subject matter for me because of who I am. I am a mixture of easily sharing love and compassion with others, while at the same time never backing down from speaking my mind or opinion when necessary. A conversation about me was repeated to me by a friend who was present for it when I was not there for it. There was a small group of people talking together after I had left the room and one of the people who had just met me spoke of “how friendly and real” she thought I was to the others who had known me for a long time. I was told that one of our mutual friends replied, “Susan is very friendly. She loves people. And when she has your back, she truly has your back. But if you ever cross her or someone she cares about, watch out. She is not afraid to use her voice.” I do love people; to me people are the most important part of life. I am very open and share my feelings easily with others. I feel every human being deserves respect and to be treated with fairness by others, myself included and part of my being has always been to speak up when necessary. Yes, I am the one who will speak up for strangers in public if I see them being mistreated. I have done this often throughout the years. I am happy for you, Mary, in speaking your mind in such a positive manner.
Susan, I would say that your friends hold you in very high regard-such a wonderful compliment. I admire that you have always spoken your mind. I am late to the game. It has always been easier to speak up for others than for myself. Thank you so much for sharing your story, and for reading my piece.
An awesome post, Mary - just wow!!! This is wonderful: "You are underestimating me and my judgement. Here’s why I did what I did, and I believe in this because…"
I've always lacked confidence, and find it hard to stand my ground. Thank you so much for this phenomenal tool.
Rebecca, thank you so much for reading and also for commenting! I have to give so much credit to my therapist for assisting me in this (and other) areas. He helped me bring out the inner me.
This truly hits home for me! And I’m so proud of you, Mary, for speaking your truth! I started my “people pleasing” when I was around 2. My dad must’ve not been happy about something (my family and I had gone out somewhere and were returning home). As we approached our door to our apartment building, I ran up to the massive front door and struggled and struggled to get it opened. I wanted my dad to be pleased with me and be “happy” again. And so began my years and years of people pleasing efforts. I can admit that it has been quite a journey for me to find my own self-confident voice!
Wow. As I read, I pictured you as a little one (were you wearing the red coat?) trying so hard to "make daddy happy." Ahhh...the journey to the self-confident voice. Sometimes, I hit some massive bumps on that journey. Thank you for trusting us with your story and for reading mine.
Yes being kind does not equal doormat.
So true!
Oh my, I feel like I'm too conscientious for my own good, always trying to keep other people happy. Thanks for this reminder to stand up for oneself!
Wendy, isn't it so hard (it is for me) to ensure that one is in fact being kind, and also standing up for self? Thank you for sharing your truth and for reading my piece.
It's a difficult balance to strike, for sure!