Letting Myself Out of the “Pleasing Others” Cage
It's a Hard habit to Change
I count. My presence on this Earth is deliberate for whatever reason. I have spent the better part of my life, trying to keep peace, by pleasing others. The catch, is that by doing so, I rarely felt peaceful inside of myself. That’s not peace!
I have abandoned that ingrained practice, and instead, ask myself internally, “Is this good with you? Do you have another idea, response, or thought?”
It is beyond liberating to do adopt this practice. Does it ruffle the feathers of others? Uh, YEAH! I am not a big person stature wise, and certainly with my long, silver hair, I come across more as a lost woodland fairy than a powerful 62-year-old with very strong ideas, thoughts and an abundance of energy and creativity.
I had to flex my practice this week. The person who had underestimated me was visibly shocked when I very calmly put my hand up and stated, “You are underestimating me and my judgement. Here’s why I did what I did, and I believe in this because…(and I went on to explain my rationale).”
This person will not underestimate me again. I stayed calm, I stayed in my power and truth and it felt great! Mom told me long ago (and it made me nuts at the time), “You can only be a doormat if you lay yourself down first.”
Now, in the above situation, I had not “laid myself down.” I wasn’t prepared for this person to bowl me over with criticism, but when I popped back up like bamboo after a storm, I left “doormat status.”
By and large, people who have known me for some time, and some people who have only known me for a few months, do not like this aspect of me. Women are still societally trained to be “nice and kind” especially if you are “older.” Screw that! It is kind to be true to yourself and express yourself in a dignified, assertive, polite manner.
When was a time, you sublimated your true feelings for the comfort of others? Tell me below. I love the stories of others. I truly want to know what you think. You can disagree with me too! (Just don’t attack me, please)
Thank you for reading my piece today.
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Rarely do I do this. Not that I haven't! -- but I learned to scan my body regularly for resentments and regret. This kind of R&R doesn't allow for the kind of R&R I crave... rest & relaxation. If I say yes when I mean no, I tend to regret it. Or if I follow a should vs want, I likely will regret that to and develop resentments. Unless my gut tells me it is a service and sacrifice that truly matters. I discern then - and choose accordingly. Good question -- thanks for putting it out there.
This is an interesting subject matter for me because of who I am. I am a mixture of easily sharing love and compassion with others, while at the same time never backing down from speaking my mind or opinion when necessary. A conversation about me was repeated to me by a friend who was present for it when I was not there for it. There was a small group of people talking together after I had left the room and one of the people who had just met me spoke of “how friendly and real” she thought I was to the others who had known me for a long time. I was told that one of our mutual friends replied, “Susan is very friendly. She loves people. And when she has your back, she truly has your back. But if you ever cross her or someone she cares about, watch out. She is not afraid to use her voice.” I do love people; to me people are the most important part of life. I am very open and share my feelings easily with others. I feel every human being deserves respect and to be treated with fairness by others, myself included and part of my being has always been to speak up when necessary. Yes, I am the one who will speak up for strangers in public if I see them being mistreated. I have done this often throughout the years. I am happy for you, Mary, in speaking your mind in such a positive manner.