Keep on Walking

One foot in front of the other…hiking The Billy Goat Trail at Great Falls with Dad and Mom in the early 1970’s…ahh, the “fun” Dad must have had hearing Mom and I moaning the whole time. He was right, one foot in front of the other keeps a person moving, not just on the trail, but also in life.

I’m not a damn Billy Goat, but I am my parent’s daughter. Both of my parents had grit. The year Dad went to Vietnam during the war, Mom not only kept our little family of three young daughters and a very cantankerous cat (Kitty) together, but she maintained an outward appearance of grace, planned fun activities (simple ones, like making popsicles and eating them on the front walk in our bathing suits), and never let on that she was worried about Dad.

She let us be children and I will be forever and ever thankful that she did that for us. She made moving nine times in 15 years look easy.

Sometimes in life, we have to look and behave strong on the outside even while we are quaking inside.

This day, one year ago, my mom started Hospice at home. We only had days left with her, and only about a month left with Dad. Life can turn on a dime.

And…I keep putting one foot in front of the other. I do not think I have the grace that Mom did. I am in major “Hermit Mode” as far as social things go.

I mean, I will show up and knock it out of the park to promote my book and to teach my young students. I will also be a pillar of strength for my daughter now that we are in a house together where we two are thriving.

Yes, I guess you can suffer and also thrive at the same time. Well, perhaps not at the same time…just in the same body, feeling those two seemingly different states of being at the same time.

That’s what happened on The Billy Goat Trail. I didn’t know it until we came to the end of it. I did it. I completed it.

Is it time to go back there? No. My grief at losing my parents is still too intense and I shall do small things in order to feel the sense of accomplishment.

Thank you for reading my piece today. Do you have your own Billy Goat Trail moment?

Drop me a line. Hit the heart to show you’ve at least opened my piece-I really appreciate it. But, if that feels too much for you, I honor that too. May we all keep moving, one foot in front of the other.