Thanksgiving from Hell

"This too shall pass"

Thanksgiving from Hell

     I was married, and it was decided by his family, that we should “host” Thanksgiving. I enjoyed the company of his sister-in law and brother and knew that with their presence, at least some of this week-long celebration would be enjoyable for me.

     What I did not anticipate, or prepare for, was the presence of his parents a week early upon entering our front door, after my long commute home and an arduous but rewarding day of teaching. I had been looking forward to putting my feet up, making a simple dinner of grilled cheese and going to bed early to renew for the following day of teaching my 30 young first graders.

     “Surprise!” they both yelled. “We couldn’t wait to see you both so we drove down early.  What’s for dinner?”

     I wanted to say, “Oh, NOTHING because you’re not supposed to be here for another week!”  But, I just stood there dumbfounded, waiting for my husband to chime in, “Oh, let’s do Chinese carry-out to make it easy on Mary”. 

      No, this is not at all the way it played out.  He looked at me and said, “Well, I guess you can keep your coat on, and head out to Giant (our local grocery store) and stock up. We’ll see you when you get back, and hurry because my parents just drove 12 hours to get here”.

     My 61-year-old (long since divorced self) now thinks of what I should have said was, “Surely, no one actually expects me to go back out!  Let’s do Chinese food tonight and take it from there”.  I  WANTED to say, “Are you f’in kidding me??  You’re here a week early, with no warning and now I am expected to wait on everyone hand and foot? Get a hotel room and we’ll see you on Thanksgiving as initially planned!”

     Oh, I neglected to say, that while I was in bumper to bumper traffic coming home, my husband invited them to stay with us, for what would become, two weeks!  We were living in a small, rented house with one bedroom, one bed and a “study” which my then-husband claimed as “his”.I was relegated to the basement for my desk/study.

     By the time I returned from Giant, 6,000 bags of food later, the three of them had turned into five as my brother-in-law and his wife were there too!  My sister-in-law met me at my car and said, “I am so sorry, Mary. This was not my idea and I tried to talk “T” out of it. I will help you, as I know this is a giant pain in the ass. Oh, by the way, they made a liquor store run while you were out and they are all three sheets to the wind”.

     As this was the day and age before cell phones and individual land lines in classrooms. I called my parents the next day from the “teacher phone” and cried me a river. Mom, always the consummate hostess and kindest soul in the world, says, “Oh my, that is a conundrum.  Just do the best you can. Get up early and leave for work early so you don’t get stuck making everyone breakfast. When you get home, put on a happy face and know that this too shall pass”.

      My original menu was changed on Thanksgiving morning, when I was sent out again to buy the ingredients for my mother-in-law’s jello fluff extravaganza, and more booze. I cried. I sobbed in the parking lot, I continued my snotty response in the store. A clerk came up to me, handed me a tissue and said, “I’m so sorry for whatever you are going through. Family can be difficult”. I am still so thankful for her kindness.

     The Red Flags of disfunction were solidified during those two weeks, but I was young and hung on to the marriage for a few more years.

      And so, this Thanksgiving, I am most thankful, that in fact, as Mom had said, “it passed” and I am no longer in that relationship.  It was a long time ago and I have learned much in those years.  Truly, the remembrance of it all is in “story status”.